Things that Shouldn't Be Said or Done to the Mizzies
by MissFiyerabaMeponineSherlock
Summary: Just a list that I came up with of what not to say or do to the Les Mis characters. You might find it funny, or just plain weird. Well, enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

**Earlier today, at school, I randomly thought of these. Also, I've seen other people do something similar to it, so I thought I'd come up with a list of my own. Anyways, here it is...**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Les Miserables or any of the characters.**

_Things that Shouldn't Be Said or Done to the Mizzies_

Buy Marius a puppy and then make him watch as you set it on fire

Steal from Thenardier

Buy Enjolras a parrot and teach it to talk over top of him whenever he's giving an inspirational speech

Tell Enjolras that his revolution will fail and then laugh when he says otherwise

Steal Eponine's hat

Treat Gavroche like a 5 year old

Set Marius' hair on fire

Set Eponine's hair on fire

Set Enjolras' hair on fire

Set ANYONE's hair on fire

Stalk Enjolras, even though I _know_ that we all want to

Follow Fantine around all day singing "All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth"

Tell Javert that he needs to get a life. I mean, seriously, it's been over 10 years and he still hasn't caught Valjean. I think he should move on...

Constantly call Valjean "9430"

Tell Enjolras that he reminds you of Ramin Karimloo

Tell Marius that he reminds you of Ramin Karimloo

Tell Valjean that he reminds you of Ramin Karimloo

Tell Javert all about number 55 Rue Plumet

Start a conversation with Valjean and then randomly cut off in the middle of your sentence and say "Oh, hello Inspector Javert!"

Cut off Cosette's hair, make it into a scarf, and then give it to Marius

Tell Javert that you set his stars on fire

Lock Eponine and Marius in a closet together

Hide all of Grantaire's alcohol. All of it.

Inform Gavroche that he's too short to fight at the barricade, try again next year bud

Rewrite Les Mis so that Eponine ends up with Marius... OH WAIT

Convince them that Victor Hugo is God

Set Cosette on fire... Unfortunately, she wouldn't like that very much

Tell Javert that Cosette is Valjean in disguise

Remind Javert constantly that he was born in a jail

Ask Javert if he eats souls

Keep going on about Javert eating souls even when he insists that he doesn't

Ask Javert what souls taste like

Tell Marius that Eponine is in love with him

Tell Eponine that Marius is in love with her

Throw rocks at Cosette

Tell Enjolras that, no, I can't hear the people sing

Insult Marius' love for Cosette

Set all of Cosette's pretty dresses on fire...

Set the dress Cosette is wearing on fire... while she's still wearing it

Set the barricade on fire

Steal all of Gavroche's lines

Tell Cosette that you set fire to her castle on a cloud... Hey, if Adele can set fire to the rain, then I can set fire to a cloud... so there...

Sell Cosette to a pimp

Ask them all why they have British accents if they live in France

But Cosette a broom for her birthday

Kidnap Cosette and then give her to the Thenardiers

Mimic everything that Javert does

Capture Valjean and then say to Javert "See? It wasn't that hard."

Casually stroke Marius' hair like he's a dog

Hide all of Marius' law books

Cough on Joly

Laugh whenever Javert talks about justice

Convince Marius that Grantaire is in love with him

Steal Javert's uniform

Contradict everything that Enjolras says. EVERYTHING!

**And there you have it. Hope you enjoyed... I like fire**

**Everyone: WE'VE NOTICED!**

** Anyway, if ya have more, send 'em in a review ;)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Alrighty, so I have to post this so that this doesn't break the rules because technically, lists are not allowed. Anyways, enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Les Mis or the characters.**

One day, in 1832, France, a mischevious girl named Ashley was walking around wanting to wreak some havic. So she decided to mess with some random people that she read about in a book.

First, Ashley went and bought a puppy and then gave it to Marius. Marius was overjoyed and he jumed up and down like a little child. Then Ashley pulled out a match and set the puppy on fire. Then she ran off, meanwhile Marius tried to put the fire out.

Ashley ran off to the Thenardier apartment and stole all of his shiny, shiny objects. Then she ran back to the pet shop and purchased a parrot. She named him Mr. Turtle. She said to the parrot:

"Alright, Mr. Turtle, now everytime you hear Enjolras give an inspirational speech, I want you to screech 'Enjolras loves Javert!'"

Ashley ran off to the Cafe Musain. She walked inside and set the parrot on Enjolras' shoulder.

"Um... thanks for the parrot?" he said. It came out sounding like a question. He turned back to Les Amis de l'ABC. "So, as I was saying, the time is near, so near it's stirring the blood in their veins–"

"_Squak!_ _Enjolras loves Javert!" _the parrot screeched. Enjolras looked at the bird.

"No, I most certainly do not!" he said. Les Amis laughed at him.

"_Squak! Yes you do!_"

"No, I don't!"

Les Amis laughed harder.

"_Squak! Enjolras loves Javert!_"

Ashley went up to Enjolras.

"You're revolution is going to fail." I–er, I mean she told him. Enjolras started to say something, but Ashley just laughed and then ran out of the Cafe Musain in search of Eponine Thenardier. She found her in the slums of Saint-Michel. She ran up to her and stole her hat. Then she ran up to Gavroche and said "Awww... you're such a cutie." she ruffled his hair. She ran up to Marius and set his hair on fire, then did the same to Eponine, and then to Enjolras, then to anyone who came across her. She chuckled deviously. Then she took to stalking Enjolras for a good 525 600 minutes.

Ashley then invented a time machine and traveled back to the moment right after Fantine had her two incisors pulled for 2 Napoleans. She ran up to Fantine and cleared her throat. She then sang in a loud voice:

"ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS MY TWO FRONT TEETH, MY TWO FRONT TEETH, MY TWO FRONT TEETH...!"

Then she went back to 1832. Ashley looked around for Javert. When she found him, she said to him:

"Javert, you need to get a life. I mean, seriously, you've been looking for Valjean for how many years? Over 10? You're obviously not gonna catch him!" then she went and followed Valjean around, constantly calling him '9430.' "Oh, and Valjean? You remind me of Ramin Karimloo." she skipped off to Marius. "Marius, you remind me of Ramin Karimloo." then to Enjolras. "You remind me of Ramin Karimloo."

_Now where's Javert? I think I ought to tell him about NUmber 55 Rue Plumet..._ she thought, and so she did.

Ashley saw Valjean walking around.

"Hey 9430, how's it going? How are– OH, hey Javert!" she said. Valjean jumped and then ran off. Ashley sought out Cosette. She cut off all of Cosette's hair and made it into a scarf. She gave the scarf to Marius. When she saw Javert again, she said: "I set your stars on fire..."

Ashley then proceeded to lock Marius and Eponine in a closet together.

Then she hid all of Grantaire's alcohol. All of it.

When she heard Gavroche talking about fight at the barricade, she stopped him. She used a tape measure to check his height.

"Sorry, you're too short to fight at the barricade, try again next year bud!"

Ashley took out her copy of Les Miserables and changed the ending so that Eponine ended up with Marius. Then she went around to everyone from Les Miserables and said to them: "Victor Hugo is God." Then she set Cosette on fire, which Cosette didn't seem to like all too much.

She found Javert again and whispered to him: "Hey, hey Javert... Cosette is actually Jean Valjean... oh and Javert? YOU WERE BORN INSIDE A JAIL! Do you eats souls?" she asked him.

"What? I– no, of course not!" he replied

"Oh come on, Javert, I _know_ you eat souls!"

"I do not!"

"What do souls taste like?"

Javert ran away. Ashley went and found Marius.

"Hey Marius, Eponine is in love with you. Okay, bye!"

She then found Eponine.

"Hey Eponine, Marius is in love with you. Okay, bye!"

Ashley threw a bunch of rocks at Cosette, who just happened to be walking by.

Ashley saw Les Amis marching through the streets singing: "Do you hear the people sing, singing the song of angry men?" She marched up to Enjolras and said:

"No, I can't hear the people sing!" She looked over at Marius. "You're love for Cosette is stupid! You've only ever seen her once!"

Then she set all of Cosette's dresses on fire. Then she set the dress Cosette was wearing on fire, laughing as Cosette screamed.

Ashley ran up to the just-constructed barricade and set it on fire.

When Gavroche was about to rat out the Inspector, she shoved him out of the way.

"GOOD EVENIN' DEAR INSPECTOR, LOVELY EVENIN' MY DEAR!" she sang loudly. She turned to face the others. "I KNOW THIS MAN MY FRIENDS, HIS NAME'S INSPECTOR JAVERT! SO DON'T BELIEVE A WORD HE SAYS, 'CAUSE NONE OF IT'S TRUE! tHAT ONLY GOES TO SHOW WHAT LITTLE PEOPLE CAN DO!" Gavroche stared at her.

"Hey! That's my line!" he complained. Ashley smirked.

"Hey, Cosette?" Ashley said as she walked up to Cosette. "I set fire to your castle on a cloud."

"Um, you can't set fire to a cloud..."

"HEY! If Adele can set fire to the rain, then I can set fire to a cloud!" Ashley snapped. Then she gave Cosette a broom for her birthday and then sold Cosette to a pimp. Then she kidnapped her and gave her to the Thenardiers. After that, she assembed the entire cast of Les Mis. "So why do you all have British accents if you're all French!?" she asked them. Javert started to do some stuff, Ashley decided to mimic him. Then she captured Valjean and said to Javert: "See? It wasn't that hard!"

Ashley walked over to Marius and casually stroked his hair, as if he were a dog. Then she hid all of his law books.

Ashley coughed on Joly, who screamed and ran away.

"This is injustice!" Javert exclaimed. Ashley laughed. Then, when he wasn't looking, she hid his uniform.

"Oh, Marius, by the way, Grantaire is in love with you!"

"Ashley, I'm pretty sure that's not true." Enjolras said.

"Yes it is."

"No it isn't"

"Yes it is."

"Fine, it is." he said

"No, it isn't." she replied.

"You're just saying the opposite of what I say."

"No, I'm saying the same as what you say." Ashley replied.

"No you're not!"

"Yes I am!"

"Ugh!" he exclaimed.

"Hgu!" Ashley exclaimed back.

**There. That just goes to show that if you give me–er, Ashley a list of rules, I–she will break all of them.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Here are some more things that should not under any circumstances be done to the Mizzies. Thank you to Snowy Scarf for your additions to the list.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Les Mis**

I SHALL NOT:

Steal a loaf if bread...and get away with it

Eat the loaf of bread in front of valjean

Tell Enjy how attractive he is

Call Enjolras 'Enjy'

Lock Enjy and Grantaire in a closet

Remind Javert that there are other criminals besides Valjean

Feed Javert Marius's law books

Get Enjolras drunk

Pinch Gavroche's cheeks

Take Les Amis to an opera

Kick a dog because he's just a pup... or set it on fire...

Tell Marius that he is a bit foppish sometimes

Put a 'kick me' sign on Javert's back

Write Eponine a fake love letter from Marius

Then when they confront you about the letter, insist that Enjolras made you do it

Tell Valjean that he looks like Wolverine

Tell Fantine that she looks like Cat Woman

Tell Monsieur Thenardier that he looks like Borat

Tell Madame Thenardier that she looks like Bellatrix Lestrange

Tell Enjolras that he reminds you of a phantom

Give Enjolras a mask

Read Marius' diary

Read Marius' diary to Eponine

Read Marius' diary to all of Les Amis

Lock Valjean and Javert in a closet and then "lose" the key

Steal more bread

Show them fanfiction

'Accidentally' knock Cosette into the Seine

Purposely call Cosette the wrong name

Tell Cosette that Marius is not single before she has a chance to meet him

Constantly refer to Javert as 'the law'

Knock Cosette down the well in the woods

Blame it on Courfeyrac

Draw on Enjolras' forehead when he's sleeping, the day before he has to give an inspirational speech

Convince Marius that Cosette is cheating on him with Javert

I like fire

Sell Javert's hat on Ebay

Steal all of Les Amis' weapons

Every time Les Amis build on to the barricade, tear apart whatever they've just added

Steal all of Valjean's bread

Give the bread to Javert

Buy Enjolras a prostitute

Tell the Bishop of Digne that you set God on fire

Tell the Bishop of Digne that you stole Valjean's soul from God

Try to get the Bishop of Digne mad

Succeed in getting the Bishop of Digne mad

Run up to random Les Amis and sniff them, then run away

Set Luxembourg Garden on fire

Set Place Saint-Michel on fire

Set the Cafe Musain on fire

Set anything on fire

Bring all of the lovely ladies to Enjolras' house

Blame it on Grantaire

Whenever Javert walks by the Seine, shout SPLAT

Laugh at Marius every chance you get, for no reason whatsoever

Set the French flag on fire, for some reason I don't think any of them would like that very much

Constantly remind Marius that Napolean is dead

Tell Les Amis that the wine of friendship ran dry

Remind Cosette that she has no friends

**Aaaand there ya have it. Please review! If you can think of more, out 'em in a review!**

**Enjolras: By God, woman! What is it with you and fire!?  
**

**Cosette: Do you hate me?  
**

**Yes**

**Cosette: Why?**

***sets Cosette on fire***

**Review please!**


	4. Chapter 4

**You guys seem to enjoy this, so here are some more! Thanks to everyone who contributed!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Les Mis or the characters**

I SOLEMNLY SWEAR NOT TO...

Send Grantaire a fake love letter from Enjolras

Take all of Grantaire's alcohol...even his secret stash

Pour the liquor into the Seine

Blame it on Lesgles

Play "Sausage Hunt" with Feuilly's kielbasa.

Tell Joly that the Plague is back and then start coughing

Tell Courfeyrac that there's a potato shortage

Tell Enjolras that there's a meet-n-greet with survivors of the French Revolution when there really isn't

Tell Enjolras that you're sending him a copy of Robespierre's memoirs... when you won't

When he confronts you about it, tell him that you were going to send it, but then Javert ate it

Tell Javert that he's going to hell

Introduce Eponine to the song 'I'm Not That Girl' from Wicked

Crash Marius and Cosette's wedding

Shave Javert's sideburns

Keep trying to set Marius up with Eponine

Hiss loudly whenever Enjolras finishes a speech

Introduce the Mizzies to the world of Slash-Fiction

Accidentally set Cosette on fire

Insist that setting Cosette on fire was an accident

When asked how setting someone on fire is an accident, insist that Joly forced you to

Sell Marius' lonely soul

Dress up as the grim reaper and follow Valjean everywhere he goes

Introduce Cosette to the world of DEATH

So in other words, kill Cosette

Even though most of us want to...

Write Cosette death threats

Blame the Bishop of Digne

Even if he's already dead

Especially if he's already dead

Replace Grantaire's wine with that weird sparkling grape juice stuff that only kinda tastes like wine

Steal Enjolras' vest

Blame it on Cosette

Replace Enjolras as leader of Les Amis de l'ABC

Tell Enjolras that Grantaire writes better speeches than him

Break everything in Marius' apartment

Blame it on Enjolras

Ask Lesgles why he had so many freaking nicknames?

Inform Enjolras that you now own his soul

When he denies it, insist that you do and if he doesn't stop pestering you then you will set his soul on fire

When he asks why you're under the impression that you now own his soul, assure him that you do, in fact, own his soul, and tell him that it's because you said so

Eat Cosette's soul

Then constantly remind Cosette that she has no soul

Because you ate it

When he's sleeping, draw the British flag on Javert's forehead

Then laugh at him when you see him the next day

Refuse to explain why you're laughing at him

When he finally realises that he has a British flag on his forehead, blame it on Valjean

Buy Lesgles an eagle

Insist that you thought they were related

Constantly ask the Mizzies if they are miserable

**Aaaaand there they are. If you have more then... *cough cough* review *cough cough***


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